I am a Saboteur!!!

Yes that is right, I am.   After the positive outlook in my last post to this, very different and still shows the mindset can change quickly. Still doesn’t mean I won’t work towards my goals, just shows how quickly things can change.  It is not something I have considered myself being or really gave much thought to but in light of the last few days I have had it pointed out by my actions and come to the realisation I need to look at this.  Why would I say this?  Well, looking at the below definition found on Dictionary.com I relate to the origin of the word more so than the literal English meaning.  I have never intentionally committed or practised sabotage, more so botched my attempts to complete what I had set out to do.

sab·o·teur

Spelled [sab-uh-tur]

noun

a person who commits or practices sabotage.

Origin:

1920–25;  < French,  equivalent to sabot ( er ) to botch (see sabotage) + -eur -eur

It is now 2 weeks since I came back from holidays having put on a couple of kilograms.  I was determined to get back into things and continue to work my backside off and stay away from alcohol and the demon foods that seem to find me when I have a drink.  Both Julie and I were certain we could do this at least until she went to finale with her girlfriends.  Surely it isn’t hard to go 3-4 weeks without a drink when you have a goal to lose a few kilograms and continue your training?  You would think this would be the case.  Wrong Answer!!!!!

This weekend was also a big one for our family as Julie and Paige were taking part in the Pink Triathlon (both being first timers for triathlons) so we were all going along (minus the little 2) to support them both and a group of other ladies we train with (Dayna, Bec and Nicole). The day went really well and I was extremely proud of all the ladies but mostly my wife and daughter.  Sadly that is where the good stuff ends and the not so good tales start.

My little triathlete crossing the finish line

Julie had to go to work after the triathlon, which meant I was with the kids and preparing dinner etc.  I had to make a trip to the supermarket and decided that I would purchase some wine whilst there.  Don’t ask me why, it just came over me to do so.  Later that afternoon I told her via text I had for tonight and expected her to berate me for it.  Strangely enough she did not and I was a little surprised.  When she arrived home we sat down to a nice glass of wine or 3 which in the grand scheme of things isn’t that bad either, if it is within our calorie allowance.  The worst part of this is that it brought on the munchies.  I then went and devoured some trail mix (more than I should have anyway with mixed nuts and sultanas), half a large packet of chips which the kids had eaten during the day and then a couple of chocolate santas.  WHY????  I don’t know to be honest.  The worst part was, even after waking up feeling crap and knowing why, I proceeded to do it again yesterday.  What was I thinking?  This means that I have now not exercised for the last 2 days and I have allowed myself to eat poorly, very poorly, on both days.  Not all of what I ate was a bad choice, but the good work in the mornings was undone by the choices I made in the afternoons and evenings.

Now this happens to all of us at some point and it certainly doesn’t mean we are all saboteurs, but I realised what impact I was having when my wife told me that when I went off the rails it caused her to do the same.  I know she wasn’t saying this to be horrible or point the finger, she makes her own decisions, but it certainly highlights that my decisions and desires have an impact on what happens in the house and if at any time she isn’t able to flex her willpower muscle, then I have had a detrimental impact on her journey and what she is trying to achieve.  She had a goal to reach a certain weight by finale, was very close to this and now it seems I may have contributed to stuffing that up.  This would then class me as a SABOTEUR.  Not something I am very proud of.  Whilst I am not okay with stuffing up my own round and not sticking to what I wanted to do this round, I do not want to be the reason or cause of someone else not achieving their goals either.

So whilst this is really a bit of a nothing post, I am just using it to blurt out the fact that I am responsible for my own actions.  I own the fact that my willpower muscle was weak over the weekend.  I own the fact that I have stalled in my efforts to reach my goals this round and I own the fact that no-one other than myself can get me to where I want to be.  It is up to me to work my arse off, it is up to me to make sure my food choices are good ones, it is up to me to make sure that I continue the good work I started 8 ½ months ago and it is up to me to continue to strive to be the healthy version of myself that I want to be.  Through doing this, if I can drag along my wife and kids and contribute to them becoming better versions of themselves then that is an added bonus, but without making the right choices for myself, there is no way that I can help anyone else.

New Spring in My Step

After coming back from holidays and having a very relaxing couple of weeks with my family, albeit a very hot couple of weeks, I knew there was a downside.  As mentioned previously that was the fact that I had put a few kilos back on.  Now previously this would have been the end of the world, but not for the new me.  I had decided that after the slack and lazy lead up to the festive season, this year was going to be different.  Now you may think that putting weight on is hardly changing the way things had been in the past, but with the new goals and the will to achieve great things in 2013 I felt re-invigorated.

With setting my goals for 2013, which I listed in the previous post, this gives me something to shoot for throughout the year, whilst building in mini goals as each round progresses.  For me, these will not be something that I set out well in advance, but perhaps at the start of each round or as I see myself improving in different areas during a round. 

One of the goals I had set for myself this round was to run around the lake near my house at Sanctuary Lakes.  I had no idea how far this actually was and had planned to do it with a training partner Dayna for our week 4 milestone, but things did not happen as planned and then we were away for week 8 so not able to do so again.  I estimated this distance to be 8.5kms having ridden around it a few times in parts, but never done a full lap and calculated it. This week I decided that I might give it a go and if I was not able to complete it, I would go as far as I could and walk/run the remainder.  Now keep in mind that the most I have ever run in one non stop attempt was just over 5kms, so this was going to be a test, more mental than physical in my opinion.

I set off feeling apprehensive and also a little tired in the legs from our weekend session but looking forward to the challenge and conscious that I needed to maintain a slow and steady approach rather than my usual bull at a gate pace.  I find it hard to slow down my running pace (which in all honesty isn’t very quick)and conserve myself to make a decent distance but new it had to be the case today.  Thankfully it was not hot, but a little windy and overcast.  I set off at a pace I thought would be comfortable for a decent distance but after the first kilometre my Nike Running app told me I was doing a 6 min 17 pace.  There is no way I could maintain that for 8.5kms so I tried to slow it down more.  After 2kms I was running at 6min 20sec pace.  Seriously, surely I had slowed down more than that.  I still felt good but I can run 3km at that pace or a little quicker most times, but surely I would start to feel it after that if I didn’t slow down.  I tried my best to slow down and for the next few kms I was averaging 6 min 30sec pace and felt very good.  I got to what I believed to be the half way point at around 4km and was going great.  The best part now was that I knew I was on the home stretch.  I had run this part many times as part of my 5km run, so felt very comfortable and confident that I was going to do it.  The strangest feeling for me was that I was not struggling and felt I could keep going if I wanted to when I finished, but I was expecting the wheels to fall off after the 5-6km mark purely because I had not run that far before.

As I turned the last corner to head home I looked at my phone to see that I had just run 7.1kms in a time of 47:25 which is also the longest continuous time I have run for.  The best part was I knew I could keep going and I felt like a million dollars but I didn’t want to push myself and end up injured.

Nice little reward from my Nike Running App

That will be my next quest to build up to that scary 10km mark.  I need to saviour this moment and as Julie said to me, “8 months ago, did you think you would run this distance? No chance, you would have laughed at the thought.”  Which is 100% true.  Later that night I sent a tweet to Michelle Bridges and 12WBT spruking about my efforts, but more importantly thanking them for changing my life.  The response was “YOU changed your life, we are just along for the ride.”  How true is that.  Every single one of us on this program is making the change ourselves, we have had to make the conscious decision, I think we all forget that.  Michelle and the 12WBT team have provided the tools, but if we did not want to do it, it won’t happen.  I think that after hearing that it dawned on me that I need to actually listen to what I tell people on the forums and let it sink in.  You only get out of this program what you put in.  For me this has been a roller coaster the last 2 rounds but I have still lost 15 kilos in that time and I know I have transformed my body and mind, which is a lot more important than just dropping the weight.

Following on from that I decided I would try and ride to work yesterday.  I have never done this and was not sure of the exact distance but once again estimated it at around 35km each way.  It was in fact 34kms and due to traffic lights, pedestrians in the city and trying to find out exactly where I had to go it took me 1 hour and 32 mins to get to work.  The ride home was a little longer (only 10 mins) but I had to battle a horrid head wind and a buckled back wheel.  So for the day I managed to burn 2202 calories and ride 68 and a bit kms.  Not bad for a commute to work.

Half the days riding (this is the morning session)

To finish off I will add the current tally for my 2013 goals, which will be a regular thing in my blog now to keep me accountable.
270.46kms ridden (4729.54 to go)

34.56 kms ran (465.44 to go)

18 sessions trained with minimum 500 calories burnt, 1 not (295 to go)

Total calories burnt so far in 2013 – 15416 (Target of 182500 for 261 sessions of 500 and 52 SSS)

Using this to keep me accountable