Thursday, 24 April 2014

Black Clouds & Testing Times.

I went AWOL for a while it seems.  Not only from my blog, but also from my life it could be said.  The last few months have been testing on a number of fronts and certain things have suffered.  Blogging was just not something I could be bothered with, basically as I didn't have anything worth saying, so sorry to those readers that have asked where I was or why I hadn't been posting.

So what has been happening?  I am still out of work, looking feverishly, but it seems the market is and has been dead.  It might start to pick up around now it seems, which i certainly hope so as I am going stir crazy.  Me being out of work has meant that Julie has been working full time and taking on lots of overtime.  This is not an ideal situation, but she is doing it to help us out until I find some work.  She is amazingly driven when it comes to things like this and I am extremely proud of her.  It is difficult for the family as she has been working 55-60 hour weeks and in March only had 3 full days off.  This means she has little time with the kids, which has also taken its toll on them.  Obviously only seeing dad is not that much fun (which I can understand) as I don't feel like I am that much fun either.

I have also found (and been reminded regularly) that I am not very good at housework.  I have tried to do what I think needs to be done and yes sometimes forget things, but as a guy I generally don't think about what housework needs to be done.  So I am still learning, not only what needs to be done and when, but how it needs to be done to my wife's standards.  Pretty tough ask when I am not that good to start with it seems.  As you can imagine, this has meant there have been a few interesting discussions in the last few months.  I am sure there will be a few more to come as it just isn't my forte.  I have improved at some things (sure that will be disagreed with) but still need to look out for others.

I have been studying to be a PT as people may be aware.  This is coming along slowly which I had hoped to be finished by now, but my head hasn't really been in it to be honest.  I am only a couple of assignments away from completion and then need to do my practical work, so really should get into completing it.  This is not what I see myself doing permanently due to there not being enough cash in it early on to sustain the family and pay the mortgage, but it is something I would like to do part time.

My weight loss has also stagnated over this period of time.  As I have mentioned in an earlier post, I have gained some weight since last July.  This hasn't changed since the start of the year.  My diet has not been flash and the dreaded wine has managed to come back into my life.  I might say that thankfully for my exercise I have not added any further weight.  If I had not been training when I could I might just be back to square one.  Now that is a scary thought.  My training has not been as consistent as I had hoped, especially when training for a half marathon (this weekend) and then a full in 10 weeks time, but sadly that was not all my fault.  Early on in the year I had a calf injury which prevented me from running for a few weeks.  When I finally thought it was okay I went for a run only to have it happen again.  This was now March and I was worried about my marathon being feel and truly off the calendar.  I went to a physio and she told me I had a torn calf, but it should only be 3 weeks and I would be back to running.  I was doing the exercises she set and most of all more stretching as it was related to tight hip flexors and gluteus muscles which were loading up my hamstring tendons (which I had trouble with on my bike rides) and also adding further strain on my calf muscle.

So a few weeks on from that I managed to get out and complete the Run for the Kids which was supposed to be a training run. It still was, but it was not how I had planned to run it as I had to manage myself through the run and walk the couple of steep inclines (coming out of the Domain Tunnel & up the Bolte Bridge) so I did not place extra load on my calf.  All in all it was a beautiful morning and a nice run.

I never thought I would enjoy running so much and the issue of dealing with an injury and not being able to train for my goal on top of the need to find a job and drastically improve my housework skills has left me in a crappy place of late.  Thankfully one of those things is lowly on the improve and I am able to get out running a bit more.  It had better improve quickly or this will be the longest and slowest marathon in history.  The one thing I do know is that it won't matter how slow it is I will be completing the entire thing even if I have to crawl over the bloody line.

SO what has the last few months shown me.  Probably that I haven't been the best person to live with. Being out of work has really knocked me and the family for six as it has turned our world up side down.  The kids are used to having their mum home a lot more. Their mum is used to having the house cleaned her way on her time table and having more time to do what she wants/needs to do.  I am used to going to work and making a contribution, which I am obviously not doing now and the kids were used to me doing that.  I am sure the kids will welcome me going back to work, not being as grumpy (apparently I am more than normal, their mother's words not theirs) and we can get back to some sort of normality for us.

I am also putting my crappy diet and lack of work ethic down to my state of mind, which is a vicious cycle sadly.  I am up and at them and working towards changing all that moving forward even if just for my own piece of mind and that of the family.  Hopefully these small changes will lead to better times ahead.

So sorry for the drivel, nothing ground breaking here or particularly interesting but I just wanted to let those that still look here for updates (if there is anyone) what has been happening.


  1. I think it must be the season for it, I've been much the same - battling to come through the cloud, and just treading water. I've taken up the 100 Happy Days challenge simply to get me to look for something good in every day, just in the hope that it will make things seem better, if they seem better, then they'll be better... Won't they?

  2. I blog a lot more than you see but they all remain as drafts. It's therapeutic to scribe, get your thoughts & feelings out there and work though next steps & strategies. We don't need to see it but it may help you in this time of mental uncertainty & turmoil to work though thoughts etc.

    I don't think you will ever meet Julies standards, us girls are a breed of our own if Gareth hangs up the washing yes he's done it but its wrong and it wont dry as efficiently ;) We are bred to notice dirt unfortunately boys are bred to ignore it. Don't take it to heart Jules appreciates your efforts it's just not done to how it should be in a womans mind...

    I know you will find a job soon and I hate how we now measure our worth on our productivity & $ earnt when there is so much more to life. You are a great egg, you pay forward with your charitable nature & social conscious and any organisation would be better when you join their team.

  3. Leitchy I had to have a giggle about the housework. As you might know my hubby works from home and I come home and there are still breakfast dishes in the sink! Gaaaah (one of my pet hates). And his response is "men are just domestically unaware". Works for him! ha. See you tomorrow. My ticker has now run out of days to go almost.


  4. Miss you posting, Leitchy! Hope all is well. Kyla.