I am a Saboteur!!!

Yes that is right, I am.   After the positive outlook in my last post to this, very different and still shows the mindset can change quickly. Still doesn’t mean I won’t work towards my goals, just shows how quickly things can change.  It is not something I have considered myself being or really gave much thought to but in light of the last few days I have had it pointed out by my actions and come to the realisation I need to look at this.  Why would I say this?  Well, looking at the below definition found on Dictionary.com I relate to the origin of the word more so than the literal English meaning.  I have never intentionally committed or practised sabotage, more so botched my attempts to complete what I had set out to do.

sab·o·teur

Spelled [sab-uh-tur]

noun

a person who commits or practices sabotage.

Origin:

1920–25;  < French,  equivalent to sabot ( er ) to botch (see sabotage) + -eur -eur

It is now 2 weeks since I came back from holidays having put on a couple of kilograms.  I was determined to get back into things and continue to work my backside off and stay away from alcohol and the demon foods that seem to find me when I have a drink.  Both Julie and I were certain we could do this at least until she went to finale with her girlfriends.  Surely it isn’t hard to go 3-4 weeks without a drink when you have a goal to lose a few kilograms and continue your training?  You would think this would be the case.  Wrong Answer!!!!!

This weekend was also a big one for our family as Julie and Paige were taking part in the Pink Triathlon (both being first timers for triathlons) so we were all going along (minus the little 2) to support them both and a group of other ladies we train with (Dayna, Bec and Nicole). The day went really well and I was extremely proud of all the ladies but mostly my wife and daughter.  Sadly that is where the good stuff ends and the not so good tales start.

My little triathlete crossing the finish line

Julie had to go to work after the triathlon, which meant I was with the kids and preparing dinner etc.  I had to make a trip to the supermarket and decided that I would purchase some wine whilst there.  Don’t ask me why, it just came over me to do so.  Later that afternoon I told her via text I had for tonight and expected her to berate me for it.  Strangely enough she did not and I was a little surprised.  When she arrived home we sat down to a nice glass of wine or 3 which in the grand scheme of things isn’t that bad either, if it is within our calorie allowance.  The worst part of this is that it brought on the munchies.  I then went and devoured some trail mix (more than I should have anyway with mixed nuts and sultanas), half a large packet of chips which the kids had eaten during the day and then a couple of chocolate santas.  WHY????  I don’t know to be honest.  The worst part was, even after waking up feeling crap and knowing why, I proceeded to do it again yesterday.  What was I thinking?  This means that I have now not exercised for the last 2 days and I have allowed myself to eat poorly, very poorly, on both days.  Not all of what I ate was a bad choice, but the good work in the mornings was undone by the choices I made in the afternoons and evenings.

Now this happens to all of us at some point and it certainly doesn’t mean we are all saboteurs, but I realised what impact I was having when my wife told me that when I went off the rails it caused her to do the same.  I know she wasn’t saying this to be horrible or point the finger, she makes her own decisions, but it certainly highlights that my decisions and desires have an impact on what happens in the house and if at any time she isn’t able to flex her willpower muscle, then I have had a detrimental impact on her journey and what she is trying to achieve.  She had a goal to reach a certain weight by finale, was very close to this and now it seems I may have contributed to stuffing that up.  This would then class me as a SABOTEUR.  Not something I am very proud of.  Whilst I am not okay with stuffing up my own round and not sticking to what I wanted to do this round, I do not want to be the reason or cause of someone else not achieving their goals either.

So whilst this is really a bit of a nothing post, I am just using it to blurt out the fact that I am responsible for my own actions.  I own the fact that my willpower muscle was weak over the weekend.  I own the fact that I have stalled in my efforts to reach my goals this round and I own the fact that no-one other than myself can get me to where I want to be.  It is up to me to work my arse off, it is up to me to make sure my food choices are good ones, it is up to me to make sure that I continue the good work I started 8 ½ months ago and it is up to me to continue to strive to be the healthy version of myself that I want to be.  Through doing this, if I can drag along my wife and kids and contribute to them becoming better versions of themselves then that is an added bonus, but without making the right choices for myself, there is no way that I can help anyone else.

New Spring in My Step

After coming back from holidays and having a very relaxing couple of weeks with my family, albeit a very hot couple of weeks, I knew there was a downside.  As mentioned previously that was the fact that I had put a few kilos back on.  Now previously this would have been the end of the world, but not for the new me.  I had decided that after the slack and lazy lead up to the festive season, this year was going to be different.  Now you may think that putting weight on is hardly changing the way things had been in the past, but with the new goals and the will to achieve great things in 2013 I felt re-invigorated.

With setting my goals for 2013, which I listed in the previous post, this gives me something to shoot for throughout the year, whilst building in mini goals as each round progresses.  For me, these will not be something that I set out well in advance, but perhaps at the start of each round or as I see myself improving in different areas during a round. 

One of the goals I had set for myself this round was to run around the lake near my house at Sanctuary Lakes.  I had no idea how far this actually was and had planned to do it with a training partner Dayna for our week 4 milestone, but things did not happen as planned and then we were away for week 8 so not able to do so again.  I estimated this distance to be 8.5kms having ridden around it a few times in parts, but never done a full lap and calculated it. This week I decided that I might give it a go and if I was not able to complete it, I would go as far as I could and walk/run the remainder.  Now keep in mind that the most I have ever run in one non stop attempt was just over 5kms, so this was going to be a test, more mental than physical in my opinion.

I set off feeling apprehensive and also a little tired in the legs from our weekend session but looking forward to the challenge and conscious that I needed to maintain a slow and steady approach rather than my usual bull at a gate pace.  I find it hard to slow down my running pace (which in all honesty isn’t very quick)and conserve myself to make a decent distance but new it had to be the case today.  Thankfully it was not hot, but a little windy and overcast.  I set off at a pace I thought would be comfortable for a decent distance but after the first kilometre my Nike Running app told me I was doing a 6 min 17 pace.  There is no way I could maintain that for 8.5kms so I tried to slow it down more.  After 2kms I was running at 6min 20sec pace.  Seriously, surely I had slowed down more than that.  I still felt good but I can run 3km at that pace or a little quicker most times, but surely I would start to feel it after that if I didn’t slow down.  I tried my best to slow down and for the next few kms I was averaging 6 min 30sec pace and felt very good.  I got to what I believed to be the half way point at around 4km and was going great.  The best part now was that I knew I was on the home stretch.  I had run this part many times as part of my 5km run, so felt very comfortable and confident that I was going to do it.  The strangest feeling for me was that I was not struggling and felt I could keep going if I wanted to when I finished, but I was expecting the wheels to fall off after the 5-6km mark purely because I had not run that far before.

As I turned the last corner to head home I looked at my phone to see that I had just run 7.1kms in a time of 47:25 which is also the longest continuous time I have run for.  The best part was I knew I could keep going and I felt like a million dollars but I didn’t want to push myself and end up injured.

Nice little reward from my Nike Running App

That will be my next quest to build up to that scary 10km mark.  I need to saviour this moment and as Julie said to me, “8 months ago, did you think you would run this distance? No chance, you would have laughed at the thought.”  Which is 100% true.  Later that night I sent a tweet to Michelle Bridges and 12WBT spruking about my efforts, but more importantly thanking them for changing my life.  The response was “YOU changed your life, we are just along for the ride.”  How true is that.  Every single one of us on this program is making the change ourselves, we have had to make the conscious decision, I think we all forget that.  Michelle and the 12WBT team have provided the tools, but if we did not want to do it, it won’t happen.  I think that after hearing that it dawned on me that I need to actually listen to what I tell people on the forums and let it sink in.  You only get out of this program what you put in.  For me this has been a roller coaster the last 2 rounds but I have still lost 15 kilos in that time and I know I have transformed my body and mind, which is a lot more important than just dropping the weight.

Following on from that I decided I would try and ride to work yesterday.  I have never done this and was not sure of the exact distance but once again estimated it at around 35km each way.  It was in fact 34kms and due to traffic lights, pedestrians in the city and trying to find out exactly where I had to go it took me 1 hour and 32 mins to get to work.  The ride home was a little longer (only 10 mins) but I had to battle a horrid head wind and a buckled back wheel.  So for the day I managed to burn 2202 calories and ride 68 and a bit kms.  Not bad for a commute to work.

Half the days riding (this is the morning session)

To finish off I will add the current tally for my 2013 goals, which will be a regular thing in my blog now to keep me accountable.
270.46kms ridden (4729.54 to go)

34.56 kms ran (465.44 to go)

18 sessions trained with minimum 500 calories burnt, 1 not (295 to go)

Total calories burnt so far in 2013 – 15416 (Target of 182500 for 261 sessions of 500 and 52 SSS)

Using this to keep me accountable

What a Difference 7 Months Makes

Well, a new year is all about new starts for many people, but my new start was 7 months ago.  Now I just need to continue the hard work already put in.  Yes the last month or so has been indifferent and I have put a couple of kgs on whilst indulging in the festive period, but I have also been working out which is something that I never contemplated at any other time I was on leave, especially not at Christmas.  Best part was both Julie and myself were making a conscious effort to work out when we would be doing a workout so both of us could get one in, especially with temperatures being in the mid 40’s.

Prior to going on holidays, one of my training buddies, Dayna Manser, challenged me to do a plank with my youngest on my back.  Jokingly I said I would then she wanted to see my oldest on my back as well.  My youngest weighs approx. 15 kilos and my oldest almost 50kgs.  Whilst the thought of this was scry, trying to do it was even worse.  To think that I have lost almost 40kgs, then having that and a little bit more on my back was a scary proposition.  Even so, I managed to do it.  See attached photo for proof.

Admittedly the one with my oldest son was for not much longer than it took to take the photo, but youngest seemed to enjoy it and I managed to hold that for a little longer.  To me the time is not significant, it highlights how hard it would have been or how impossible it would have been for me at my starting weight and for this change I am proud and grateful.  I have also attached a photo of myself on the jumping pillow with my little two, which would not have happened last year due to me being embarrassed for them having such a large dad and me being unable to do it without being out of breath very quickly.  I thoroughly enjoyed, as did Julie I think by the number of photos she took.

In my previous post I outlined how I had set myself some goals for the year which I have listed below.  I have also put in my current totals against each of these goals

I will complete a minimum of 5000 kilometres on the bike.

(So far 204kms cycled)

I will run a minimum of 500 kilometres for the year. 

(So far 19.6kms run)
I will complete a minimum of 313 training sessions for the year burning a minimum of 500 calories

(so far 15 workouts of a minimum 500 calories burned)

Strangely I have been enjoying this and I will be interested to see how it progresses as the year goes on.  I love getting out on the bike and with my 1600km ride in October I will need to cover a lot of kilometres, but 5000 in a calendar year is huge and something I would never have contemplated, but realistically it is only 425kms per month.  The running side of the equation scared me when I first thought about it but breaking it down it s less than 10kms per week and that is only 3 runs at just over 3kms per run.  That is more than achievable, considering I do that now and gives me no excuse as it is only an 18 minute workout if that is all I do. 
I will be more impressed if I can complete the last challenge of 313 workouts for the year which are quality and burn minimum 500 calories.  I know calories are not a true indication of what you have done, but I look at it that I will be trying to work out as hard as I can and if I know I have done a hard work out to get to 500 then I will be happy, if not then I keep going until I know I have done what I needed to do.

Whilst I mentioned I have put on a couple of kgs whilst away, I did have a small loss in the middle.  I have also lost most of that gain in the few days since being back by getting back on track with the food and exercise and heaps of water.  The key for me and everyone else.  I can’t believe how little I drank whilst on holidays compared to now.  Yes I was drinking a lot of it, but because it was so hot, obviously not enough.  I am still looking for non scale wins though as these provide a lot more drive as you can still see progress. 

A big one for me this week was getting my new license in the mail when I got home.  Now no-one enjoys looking at their photo but it allowed me to make a comparison to my old photo from 10 years ago.  I have also included the photo from my Working with Children card, which was taken 2-3 years ago.  This shows me more than most things how far I have come and why I would never want to stop this journey or program.  Holy Cow, look at my bloated head (some would say I have an inflated head, other a fat head, my wife say it is a Boofhead) but to see the change and no more piggy squinty eyes is so pleasing.

As you can see, these early images are not pretty, some might say the recent one isn't either but i was shocked when i looked at them together as were my staff.  I can't wait to see how good my next one looks in 3 years.

2013 - A Year of Achievements

The last 7 months have been huge for me and my family. I have lost 35 kgs, Julie has lost 25kgs, my kids are learning more about health and fitness, and I have meet a heap of wonderful people through 12 WBT and made some great friends. This journey has also given me a lot of self confidence and allowed me to set goals for myself that I had never dreamt of.

Yes I have been AWOL for the last few weeks on the blog, due to work and a pretty poor mindset. This is not an excuse, but it has allowed me to re-evaluate what I have been doing and what I want to achieve. I had allowed a few of the old habits to creep back in, some junk food and a few top many wines, but I am also now aware that if I do this I just need to get back on track. It is not the end of the world, just don't let it become a habit.

So, in saying this, what am I going to do to make 2013 different from all the other years? Well I am not one for making resolutions, but I did want to set myself some targets or goals for the year. With my big bike ride in October I am going to be doing a lot of cycling, so a goal for the bike seemed appropriate. I also wanted to have a running goal. I am not that flash at it but have started to enjoy it and thought it would be nice to mix up the training. Finally I want to make sure I am doing the training required so want to set myself a target around around minimum number if sessions for the year. So this is what I have come up with for my 2013 targets.

I will complete a minimum of 5000 kilometres on the bike.
I will run a minimum of 500 kilometres for the year.
I will complete a minimum of 313 training sessions for the year burning a minimum of 500 calories.



This is my pledge to myself and to my family to help me get to where I want to get which can only help me achieve my goals and help me become a healthy and happy person. The last 7 months have taught me a lot but I am still learning and enjoying the positive changes to myself and my wife.

Happy new year to everyone and I hope 2013 brings you all you hope for. Remember you only get out of this life what you put in and if you don't work hard you will never see the change you want to see.