Time To Fess Up......

Well,  today is the start of something big.  It is when I get back on track and stop living a lie.  I have documented on a number of occasions that I have been having issues over the last few months with getting my nutrition on track.    This has caused me to stumble in my journey to get to my goal, which I have mentioned.  Sad part about this is that I have actually been too embarrassed to fess up to the amount of weight I have actually put back on in the last 6 months.  I stood on the scales this morning and was horrified.  Not by the number that looked up at me, that is my own doing and I won that.  I made the poor choices to drink far too much alcohol and eat shitty food over the last 6 months, I was horrified by the fact that I had been kidding myself that others didn’t know I had put weight on and that I was also not being honest with what I had put back on.

As you all know, I have been on a mission with my bike riding of late, which will see me head to New Zealand this weekend to take on the 200+ km ride around Auckland.  I am so grateful for everyone that has donated to me to allow me to do this, but I have not really made it easier on myself by working hard at making sure I am in the best possible shape when doing this.  I have used excuses like not being able to train on certain days due to travelling interstate and it taking up 4 days to get there, do the ride and get home.  I had 3 consecutive weekends riding, so didn’t do anything in between those, other than indulge in excess.  You would think that burning 10,000 calories in 2 days would help you lose some weight.  I think in my case it just helped me not put any more on.

So what has happened over the last 6 months.  As I said above, I have not been able to admit exactly how much I put on.  I even got to the point that I couldn’t put the weight into the 12WBT site because I was too embarrassed to admit that I had put on to this extent.  Well today I bite the bullet, I fess up and no more games.  I have put 16kgs back on in 6 months.  It is shattering for me, but highlights that I am far from where I need to be.  I still need the Michelle Bridges Security blanket. I still need her metaphorically kicking my arse and I need to get my head back in the game.  So, I am going back to basics.  In my first round I dropped 24.5kgs.  How?  Simply because I did what she told me to.  I followed the program and was anal about my food, my training and my water intake and my mindset.  This is what happens today.  I weighed out my breakfast perfectly, lunch is the same.  I am booked in for a run tonight with some training buddies to hold me accountable.  It all starts today.

One of the best things for me was being at the finale this weekend.  I was fortunate enough to catch up with a lot of amazing people and see how far they have come in their journey.  They must have looked at me wondering what on earth had happened or simply thinking that I was all going back to square one.  It was a great eye opener for me.  Even if they thought nothing like this, it is what the voices in my head were saying convincing myself that this is what they were saying.  I suppose that the feeling of embarrassment is something that can either spur you on or make you crawl into a cupboard and give up.  It has spurred me on and I aim to be lighter come Feb than I was at my best on this program.  Double digits here we come.

On a happier note, finale weekends are always good at being able to catch up with friends you only see every 6 months.  Sadly this will not happen anymore with the party being taken away.  We can’t justify flying around the country every 12 weeks for a workout and fitness expo.  I am sure there will be many people that will still do so and I hope they have as much fun as I have at the finales.  It is awesome being able to spend time with like-minded people and chill.  I was also very happy to see my lovely friend and adopted little sister Kate Beck aka Cocogirl up on stage being recognised as a hero. She has been amazing.  I was also happy to see Catherine Hawkins on stage for the same reasons.  I have only recently got to know Catherine and she is a lovely and supportive lady, even if she is English…..

This round is seeing me taking on a new challenge of doing the Advanced half marathon program.  Now this might be a little over my head, but if you are going to do something have a crack I say.  I can always alter the program back to the normal half marathon program if I need.  Anything could happen here.